Distance
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Thank you everyone. For everything. I just woke up today, late for school again. But my teacher marked me as present. He wants me to pass. I was finishing my assignments for my 3D Form and Space class. Drawing and drawing the human anatomy. School wasn't gonna be fun, apart from seeing my friends. But Erwin praised my animation and said it was ," perfect" which made me feel better and motivated. Drawing wise, he said I improved and asked if I traced, idk whether to feel offended cause he didn't believe I drew it. When I did. It's hard work. I slept late and put in a lot of effort. So I guess I expect an A. Or hope for one. So that's that. Academic. After school I had to stay back for a soccer meeting where they announced the new president. I felt really awkward. I dk why I just felt that way. Anda said she would talk to me and all but she is sociable and she went ahead walking around and talking to everyone. Which is fine, I just felt a bit lost. Cause it's like idk why i was there. The boys team were there too, they played video montages and videos of me were played, all my weirdo vids, which I'm okay with. It's just I'm paranoid that people will judge me and say ," oh she is fat", "OMG she is so weird", so I just hid my face. I didn't know who to vote for, I really didn't. So I just voted whoever. Most of the time I was alone, didn't talk to anyone, didn't feel like talking. Know tht feeling? I didn't take any pictures either. Seniors were giving their speeches and all, I felt like crying. I won't et to see them as often. And that's kinda sad. I held it back though. Who wants more comments on how attention seeking you can be when you cry. Teammates asked me to join in photos, but I refused. Except Thivya, she was super persuasive. I felt ugly, I didn't sleep enough, my teeth feel rotten, my mouth bruised with ulcers, my eyes red, my face with pimples, my arms flabby. I just didn't feel good. It was supposed to be a good fun day. But why did it turn out like this. Either way, I really felt crappy. My period came a little later. And my friends were asking me if I were okay and if they were the cause of my mood.
Rai, it's not you. Don't be paranoid. I am sorry we do not talk as much anymore, idk what's up, I can't talk to you guys about the things you talk about because I don't know the soccer guys and you usually talk about them. It's totally fine. I mean I don't really wanna make friends with them also. So I need not know about them ah. Its just that I guess and you and susu getting in the team made this barrier that I'm Tryna clear. Cause I feel like you are a threat, you are good in soccer and I'm scared I may never make the team when you are around. That's all.
I left with Cristalle and Jisu. Thanks guys for leaving with me. And I wanna thank whoever that texted me to cheer up and all. I appreciate it, ches, munaa, mani. I appreciate it. What's more? My guy friend Daniel, we are really close. Best friends. He was telling me how he missed talking to me, thing is we talk everyday, so I didn't get why. So I told him there was nothing to miss, since we talk everyday, but he doesn't reply as fast. He has exams and all what. So it's fine. I reply for sure, it's like a priority. Some people are just like that, no matter what I will reply. He is one of them. But it takes two hands to clap, and even if I keep trying and getting him to reply, if he doesn't want to I can't force him. He sent me a video asking me for a second chance and said he was sorry for not appreciating me. I felt it was really really sweet. What's more? He said it was the first time he took a video and sent it to anyone. He sounded like he was gonna cry. Probably just nerves though. But I'm really happy to get it from him.
I can't decide if my day is good or bad. But I know I have people around me that love and care for me. Which I am happy to have around. I wish they live forever. Or live 1 day more than me. Then I won't have to live a day without them. I love you all.
