some things i thought about
Thursday, December 11, 2014
(Budget Photography)
Hello everyone, so just a quick update on everything. My last post was on Anda and even though everything seemed "fine" as she mentioned to my sister and all that we were "okay" already. Nothing has changed. I still feel the hostility between the two of us. The only thing that bugs me the most is that if we were really okay... why can't we talk normally. Exactly, if we can't talk normally, we are obviously not okay.If you are unable to even continue a conversation how are we even counted as friends or "okay". Haha and you got upset when i merely told our friends that we were still not talking... i mean we weren't... i mean i am sorry for the times i ignored you when you called my name, but i already explained to you i did not hear you. Thats all I did. Because of me ignoring you unintentionally that few times, you called me rude and said i was trying to make myself look like a better friend. what benefit does that give me? More friends? I would rather have 1 friend that i can depend on then a lot of friends who are only there to say hi.
I did not ask my sister to show you any of my instagram posts, i blocked you off for a reason. She has another mindset. so thats not my fault. Plus, if you have the time to meet my sister and brother, who are with their friends, mind you, for supper, How come you are not able to find time when i ask you to come over to stay and stuff. If we are not okay, just say we are not okay. Do not tell me one thing and then go do another. I mean, i know what you said, about that friend you went to bali with being a BITCH. I get that you are upset, but calling me a bitch for this is really not okay. A bitch wouldn't fucking go over to your house countless times to check and make sure you are okay. Especially after she wasn't there for you. A bitch wouldn't text you and ask you out to try and amend things after you said everything was okay between you all. Put things this way, I never felt so bad or guilty before. And the reason why i care so much is because we were close, Once. No matter what you say, we did have some fun together. Thats why i am so affected by how you called me a bitch. you didn't say it to my face. & you obviously do not know who my close friends are in NP. thats why you can say whatever you want as long as i am not there and think i won't find out. I am fine with the fact that you still are upset about what happened, But really? does calling me a bitch change anything? A bitch wouldn't pay so much attention to you. you may have received a lot of attention from other people and mine may seem very little, but from my pov, it's out of my comfort zone. I took risks but i guess its not worth it as the outcome is only 50% pleasing ( you're feeling better).
Anyway, moving on to something else. Up there is my attendance record for this semester. I know, its screwed. Okay i have 2 more MCs to be submitted but still, that is a lot of missed classes. How fucking screwed up am I? My parents are going to be so disappointed. Lol, if only they cared more right? maybe they will realise something is wrong. Who's gonna blame them? 4 kids. But I've been sick since yesterday 10 dec, got fever and stuff. and my mom really took care of me. Which made me feel happy and kinda glad i was sick, i miss how she would feel my head and apply medication for me.
Still looking for something that will motivate me for school. Azlyn visited me yesterday. Haha so nice of her, i was showering when she rang the doorbell during which she left. I asked to come back as she came all the way. She was at the bus stop so she came back and we had dinner. It was nice. I mean Idk she is the one who really cares. Idk its been a while since i talked to sykki and all, its kinda like those friendships where people just drift apart and no one really knows why. Plus they are closer to Choonyong and all now. Or it seems like it. I still care a lot for them, they probably don't feel the same. but that doesn't matter. I mean like for valerie, i would text her everytime she doesn't come to school and stuff and made sure she is okay or taking her medicines. Its just a kind gesture. she never did the same though, i mean its fine, she is busy with school anyway. I am not in their class so idk what is going on, but azlyn tells me they go for lunch without her. i mean the polite thing would be to ask, ah, idk.. i can't judge. But it wouldn't be the first time if it happens. Hahaha they don't really pay attention to this kind of things. and its fineeee.
Hahaha i got some encouragement from my friends today. I woke up and saw myself in a group convo with Rigel and Jensen. And the rest is up there. Short... but really makes a diff. Hahah they care, AWW. i would go to school just to see them, i mean i wont admit it in real life, but yea i would. They are really nice people. So glad to have them in my life. <3
Kay i'm kinda done with what i wanna say. hahaha god bless me. xoxo
