I have a physical journal that i have decided to update frequently now. But some details I refused to leave on there. I am almost 1.5 years into this Job as a dental nurse and as much as i have happy days, recently this job has been extremely tough. The staff turnover has been crazy, I do not bother saying Hi anymore as I do not know how long they will be staying. Ghassan left, Fernando is leaving. He has a week left. Fernando was great, always looking out for me, getting me a coffee, and cheering me up on tough days. People say happiness is something you choose. Is it? I want to be happy I have a job, but I feel under appreciated. From the day i started working, i should have said something. My starting was $0.10 more than the minimum wage at the time and I came in with about 2 years worth of experience. Although it had been a while, i was useful when I came in. I was thrown to assist and I was all good. I did not break a sweat. My pay now has increased by $3. I begged for that $3 increase. That $3 increase, was what i should have gotten when i started in 2021. My plan is 2023 is the last year I will do this job. I got into this job as a stepping stone. For some stability, i have bills to pay and goals to reach. Once I get there, i am leaving. My mental health is not good as usual. I need to get medication but I am putting it off as much as I can. But my brain, the thoughts I am having, is wrong. I have tools at work that I know can hurt a person, and i have thoughts at work today, of hurting someone else. Who am I? Why am i thinking of inflicting pain on someone else? I was stressed and upset and frustrated that my hours were longer than what was scheduled. I feel so tired and overworked. Today could have been a breeze, we had an extra pair of hands. But that extra pair of hands got sent home. And i became the extra pair of hands and had to stay late. I left 2 hours late. And I’ve been home since, upset. What do i do in this situation? Should I check myself into a mental institution? At some point, i think i might have to.

 I have a physical journal that i have decided to update frequently now. But some details I refused to leave on there. I am almost 1.5 years into this Job as a dental nurse and as much as i have happy days, recently this job has been extremely tough. The staff turnover has been crazy, I do not bother saying Hi anymore as I do not know how long they will be staying. Ghassan left, Fernando is leaving. He has a week left. Fernando was great, always looking out for me, getting me a coffee, and cheering me up on tough days. People say happiness is something you choose. Is it? I want to be happy I have a job, but I feel under appreciated. From the day i started working, i should have said something. My starting was $0.10 more than the minimum wage at the time and I came in with about 2 years worth of experience. Although it had been a while, i was useful when I came in. I was thrown to assist and I was all good. I did not break a sweat. My pay now has increased by $3. I begged for that $3 increase. That $3 increase, was what i should have gotten when i started in 2021. My plan is 2023 is the last year I will do this job. I got into this job as a stepping stone. For some stability, i have bills to pay and goals to reach. Once I get there, i am leaving. My mental health is not good as usual. I need to get medication but I am putting it off as much as I can. But my brain, the thoughts I am having, is wrong. I have tools at work that I know can hurt a person, and i have thoughts at work today, of hurting someone else. Who am I? Why am i thinking of inflicting pain on someone else? I was stressed and upset and frustrated that my hours were longer than what was scheduled. I feel so tired and overworked. Today could have been a breeze, we had an extra pair of hands. But that extra pair of hands got sent home. And i became the extra pair of hands and had to stay late. I left 2 hours late. And I’ve been home since, upset. What do i do in this situation? Should I check myself into a mental institution? At some point, i think i might have to.