Dear diary, haha this is technically my diary right? I am feeling sad today. No it is not because I did not win the 28 million dollar lotto draw, it is a few things. Where should I start? I am recollecting things that happen as I took too long to find the motivation to type everything out. Here goes...

Let's start with my work dinner. My workplace organised the first work do at a restaurant, I was excited. We never ever do this so Michelle and I thought we would make the most of it and get absolutely piss drunk! The get together happened at Fantail and turtle and I wore my new mini skirt from Glassons with a black sweater and a trench coat. It was a cute fit. Joseph picked Michelle up and dropped us both off. It was a good time, we were laughing, drinking, took so many shots (which was unusual at this sort of things) and then.. blank. I don't remember a lot of the rest of the night. The new dentist (O) went as well. Of course I have been working with him for the last 2 months now and apart from work, we have not really talked, mind you he is 50. Needless to say , there are other people I much rather work with. Anyway, what I remembered was calling my aunty and Joseph multiple times before ending up at the bottom of Sky City. I had no idea how I got there. Then I hear this, O was asking me to get in the cab with him and go to his apartment. Aww he is looking out for me, how sweet! Wrong. Joseph was on the way to get me, anyone could see that he was on call with me, I questioned his intentions. At that point, I could barely stand up on my own and was placed in the cab. Joseph was not far behind and heard O tell the taxi driver "Takapuna" before it got cut off. Now, to me, a normal response would be to take over the phone call and let Joseph know where he was taking me or at least telling the person I was on call with what was going on right? If you had good intentions? I feel icky just typing this out. That night was a horror film. I hated how I did not control my drinking and let myself go. I hated how I thought I could trust my workmates. I was not sure about anything anymore. I hated how Joseph had to chase down taxis hoping I was in one of them and dragged me out in time before anything bad happened. I hate how it is a memory that will keep playing in my head. Darkness in the cab, my legs relaxed, skirt riding up (probably) and feeling someone touch me in between my legs. I am disgusted.  Innocent until proven guilty right? There is no way for me to prove this , everyone saw how drunk I was, they would not believe me or what I remembered. Something deep down, my intuition, tells me O was not up to any good. He moved back here without his wife and only just moved into his new apartment before the dinner. It all added up, how he maybe thought of his loneliness before anything else. He has not seen his wife in months and counting, and there I was, pretty much unconscious, vulnerable. I told my female boss at work the following week and female co-workers and of course the other 50 y/o who seeks validation from men thinks that the phone cut off because "I dropped it on the taxi floor" and he picked it up and held it safe till Joseph arrived. Oh yea, did I mention after my phone got cut off, O was holding onto it? When Joseph came to drag me out of the taxi (MY HERO), O handed him my phone... hmm interesting..... I told my female boss not to do anything at the moment as it is a big accusation (due to lack of evidence) and I was very drunk. For the last month, I have been working along my potential SA and pretending like i am not uncomfortable at all. A part of me thought that he would not show up to work on Monday if he was guilty, of course he did. They have no shame. He even said " You survived!" Which part? You know what is funny? In his narrative, he never mentioned how I was in a taxi to his apartment. He only said my partner came to get me. That alone has made me believe my gut was right all along. 

Now that that part of May has been done, I'll link it back to now, 4th June. I am so tired of working with this man. Ignoring the SA, he is an absolute nightmare to work for. It annoys me so much that no one at work sees this because he is so gentle with his words, but he is sketchy as fuck. It is giving me PTSD from working with Kav. You know when people are just dodgy? Yeah he is. Hear me out , these are like 3 incidences in the last 3 months that I have noticed. 

1. Patient comes in for a RCT because her tooth cracked, halfway through drilling, O realises that the crack runs too deep and can no longer be saved with RCT. Patient consents to get tooth extracted. O puts a temp filling on said tooth (I guess to patch up and get more grip during the extraction), charges patient over $700 for the filling and the extraction, mind you filling is on the tooth that has just been extracted. WTF, who does that? Patient of course, does not notice and pays. 

2. The same patient from the first example comes back for a crown. While the crown is getting prepped, his burr shoots out the high speed and lands at the back of the patients tongue, I tried to grab it but it didn't work and she swallowed it. O proceeds with rest of treatment and DOES NOT inform her. I could not stay quiet for this so while he was out getting a drink of water, I informed her that she swallowed a burr. SHE NEEDS TO BE INFORMED? NO? I don't know if he intended to tell her though. 

3. The gaslighting. I have seen him nick patients in the mouth multiple times and some even flinch out of the chair and tell him. He just shuts them down saying he was retracting their cheek with a mirror, I took an intraoral photo the same day and you can visibly see the bleeding check from his burr cutting the patient in the photo. LOL. 

Those are the 3 that I think are the worst but there have been already 2 people that refuse to see him again in the 3 months he has been here because they feel he is not listening and just doing it for the money. VALID. I agree.  I have started job hunting in the mean time, this place looking more and more like a hell hole as time passes. Lika, who i have tried so hard to befriend and like, is not a good colleague. She is super obsessive about her workspace and that is preventing me to do my work properly. She wants to do everything and i mean everything and does not want any help. This week was my last straw and this week has proved that me and this girl will never work as friends. Girl is 38 and behaving like IDEK, A CHILD. I want to be able to take payment for a patient when she is out in the back chatting without her staring me down to get out of her work space. Also, she messed up bookings multiple times and always stresses over fuck all. It is actually pissing me off so much. In the last 2 weeks alone, she has managed to book someone in for 2027 when he is meant to come in next month and has forgotten to send off a crown to a lab. Well O might have forgotten to write the lab work notes but come on, if it was my boss she would have realised ages ago. She gets in a panic right? to try and fix this? Calls every lab to see which lab can get it done in the shortest amount of time. Who does that..... sketchy part is she puts a note on the patient's file saying the "lab did not deliver the crown so the appointment was rescheduled". COME ON. That is not what happened. I agree not needing to tell the patient the truth but at least be honest on his file and to everyone else. FFS. I left my previous job because there was a lot of sketchy shit going on. Now, typing this out, I think it might be time to leave this place too. 

Moving on, The reason I am sad. I randomly thought about how my mother has not been celebrating me as much as I would like to. I try to be there for her when she needs me and always makes sure she feels special by sending over flowers or cakes on her Birthday and Mother's Day. I realised she has not really done the same. When she visited last year, we went out for dinner, That is it. No card.... nothing. It got me feeling really sad and neglected. Joseph held me while I cried into his arms , at least I can always count on him. Idk, you know me, I always feel a little more depressed on some days compared to others. Nowadays I feel like i no longer want to work and wished i had money to do other things, Even if i worked in a cafe or a dog grooming company, something different. 

I want to post about my birthday and update about finding my spark which I think is definitely helping my mental health but let's save it for another day. Love yall. 

Dear diary, haha this is technically my diary right? I am feeling sad today. No it is not because I did not win the 28 million dollar lotto draw, it is a few things. Where should I start? I am recollecting things that happen as I took too long to find the motivation to type everything out. Here goes...

Let's start with my work dinner. My workplace organised the first work do at a restaurant, I was excited. We never ever do this so Michelle and I thought we would make the most of it and get absolutely piss drunk! The get together happened at Fantail and turtle and I wore my new mini skirt from Glassons with a black sweater and a trench coat. It was a cute fit. Joseph picked Michelle up and dropped us both off. It was a good time, we were laughing, drinking, took so many shots (which was unusual at this sort of things) and then.. blank. I don't remember a lot of the rest of the night. The new dentist (O) went as well. Of course I have been working with him for the last 2 months now and apart from work, we have not really talked, mind you he is 50. Needless to say , there are other people I much rather work with. Anyway, what I remembered was calling my aunty and Joseph multiple times before ending up at the bottom of Sky City. I had no idea how I got there. Then I hear this, O was asking me to get in the cab with him and go to his apartment. Aww he is looking out for me, how sweet! Wrong. Joseph was on the way to get me, anyone could see that he was on call with me, I questioned his intentions. At that point, I could barely stand up on my own and was placed in the cab. Joseph was not far behind and heard O tell the taxi driver "Takapuna" before it got cut off. Now, to me, a normal response would be to take over the phone call and let Joseph know where he was taking me or at least telling the person I was on call with what was going on right? If you had good intentions? I feel icky just typing this out. That night was a horror film. I hated how I did not control my drinking and let myself go. I hated how I thought I could trust my workmates. I was not sure about anything anymore. I hated how Joseph had to chase down taxis hoping I was in one of them and dragged me out in time before anything bad happened. I hate how it is a memory that will keep playing in my head. Darkness in the cab, my legs relaxed, skirt riding up (probably) and feeling someone touch me in between my legs. I am disgusted.  Innocent until proven guilty right? There is no way for me to prove this , everyone saw how drunk I was, they would not believe me or what I remembered. Something deep down, my intuition, tells me O was not up to any good. He moved back here without his wife and only just moved into his new apartment before the dinner. It all added up, how he maybe thought of his loneliness before anything else. He has not seen his wife in months and counting, and there I was, pretty much unconscious, vulnerable. I told my female boss at work the following week and female co-workers and of course the other 50 y/o who seeks validation from men thinks that the phone cut off because "I dropped it on the taxi floor" and he picked it up and held it safe till Joseph arrived. Oh yea, did I mention after my phone got cut off, O was holding onto it? When Joseph came to drag me out of the taxi (MY HERO), O handed him my phone... hmm interesting..... I told my female boss not to do anything at the moment as it is a big accusation (due to lack of evidence) and I was very drunk. For the last month, I have been working along my potential SA and pretending like i am not uncomfortable at all. A part of me thought that he would not show up to work on Monday if he was guilty, of course he did. They have no shame. He even said " You survived!" Which part? You know what is funny? In his narrative, he never mentioned how I was in a taxi to his apartment. He only said my partner came to get me. That alone has made me believe my gut was right all along. 

Now that that part of May has been done, I'll link it back to now, 4th June. I am so tired of working with this man. Ignoring the SA, he is an absolute nightmare to work for. It annoys me so much that no one at work sees this because he is so gentle with his words, but he is sketchy as fuck. It is giving me PTSD from working with Kav. You know when people are just dodgy? Yeah he is. Hear me out , these are like 3 incidences in the last 3 months that I have noticed. 

1. Patient comes in for a RCT because her tooth cracked, halfway through drilling, O realises that the crack runs too deep and can no longer be saved with RCT. Patient consents to get tooth extracted. O puts a temp filling on said tooth (I guess to patch up and get more grip during the extraction), charges patient over $700 for the filling and the extraction, mind you filling is on the tooth that has just been extracted. WTF, who does that? Patient of course, does not notice and pays. 

2. The same patient from the first example comes back for a crown. While the crown is getting prepped, his burr shoots out the high speed and lands at the back of the patients tongue, I tried to grab it but it didn't work and she swallowed it. O proceeds with rest of treatment and DOES NOT inform her. I could not stay quiet for this so while he was out getting a drink of water, I informed her that she swallowed a burr. SHE NEEDS TO BE INFORMED? NO? I don't know if he intended to tell her though. 

3. The gaslighting. I have seen him nick patients in the mouth multiple times and some even flinch out of the chair and tell him. He just shuts them down saying he was retracting their cheek with a mirror, I took an intraoral photo the same day and you can visibly see the bleeding check from his burr cutting the patient in the photo. LOL. 

Those are the 3 that I think are the worst but there have been already 2 people that refuse to see him again in the 3 months he has been here because they feel he is not listening and just doing it for the money. VALID. I agree.  I have started job hunting in the mean time, this place looking more and more like a hell hole as time passes. Lika, who i have tried so hard to befriend and like, is not a good colleague. She is super obsessive about her workspace and that is preventing me to do my work properly. She wants to do everything and i mean everything and does not want any help. This week was my last straw and this week has proved that me and this girl will never work as friends. Girl is 38 and behaving like IDEK, A CHILD. I want to be able to take payment for a patient when she is out in the back chatting without her staring me down to get out of her work space. Also, she messed up bookings multiple times and always stresses over fuck all. It is actually pissing me off so much. In the last 2 weeks alone, she has managed to book someone in for 2027 when he is meant to come in next month and has forgotten to send off a crown to a lab. Well O might have forgotten to write the lab work notes but come on, if it was my boss she would have realised ages ago. She gets in a panic right? to try and fix this? Calls every lab to see which lab can get it done in the shortest amount of time. Who does that..... sketchy part is she puts a note on the patient's file saying the "lab did not deliver the crown so the appointment was rescheduled". COME ON. That is not what happened. I agree not needing to tell the patient the truth but at least be honest on his file and to everyone else. FFS. I left my previous job because there was a lot of sketchy shit going on. Now, typing this out, I think it might be time to leave this place too. 

Moving on, The reason I am sad. I randomly thought about how my mother has not been celebrating me as much as I would like to. I try to be there for her when she needs me and always makes sure she feels special by sending over flowers or cakes on her Birthday and Mother's Day. I realised she has not really done the same. When she visited last year, we went out for dinner, That is it. No card.... nothing. It got me feeling really sad and neglected. Joseph held me while I cried into his arms , at least I can always count on him. Idk, you know me, I always feel a little more depressed on some days compared to others. Nowadays I feel like i no longer want to work and wished i had money to do other things, Even if i worked in a cafe or a dog grooming company, something different. 

I want to post about my birthday and update about finding my spark which I think is definitely helping my mental health but let's save it for another day. Love yall.