The Big V
Saturday, August 15, 2015
2013 2015
So much has changed in my size. At least i can see it. Like who the fuck gains 10kg in like 1/2 years. ME. thats who. Thats not the only thing that has changed about me. I am less religious everyone knows that, I guess i have gotten more lazy. Lol I can say so many things about myself that are negative but the focus of this post is to address one issue.
As seen in the title, The big V. haha aka virginity. I myself know how strong my hormones can get. I know how to handle them, but my religion has always been helping me with that. No matter what I did with boys, it would never lead to sex because my virginity was something I held really close to me. Or at least i thought i did. Okay this is the weird part, I know its painful if you are a virgin and it is your first time, having read stuff and experimented, lol no need for details la right. Do not think so far... So yeap, if i ever did anything with a boy, it would only reach till third base and nothing more. I was so sure on keeping it for my husband, thinking, how would my husband feel if he knew his wife was not a virgin when we got married. Then there are the fucked up boys that tell and convince you, at this time , in this century, everyone is losing it, no one lives by that rule anymore. Maybe. There were so many stories about how people got pregnant at such a young age, and none the less, so many girls losing their virginities. But in other countries, it was "cool". You will be socially accepted. Lol really....
In Singapore, I guess we are more conservative and do not go around kissing people for videos. Still, I found out a lot of my friends were not virgins anymore. They lost it. Hahaha and i was thinking, should i have lost it also? If i do, who will I lose it to? The consequences are severe if anything goes wrong, but i guess i did not care.
Here is the part you want to know about. "I DID not care". Past tense. I lost it. About 5 people in the entire world know about this. Now, if you read this, you will know too. why? Like i said, a lot of times, my religion is the reason holding me back from doing things I will regret. Having been more detached from my religion than ever, it made it easier for me to say yes. I lost it slightly more than a week ago, I remember very clearly, what time and what date, how it felt and the emotions. So many emotions. If you ask me who it was, No one significant. I see absolutely no future with this boy whatsoever. All i can say is "it just happened". It wasn't rape because i gave consent, safe because we used condoms and after 2 days I got my period.
I don't really know what else to say about this. I do not regret this at all, I thought about it... I had fun. It is all part of growing up, if in the future i regret, I just want to remind myself that at one point, i didn't. My friend asked," how do you feel? do you feel more like a woman?" Strangely enough, yes. I do. I feel more confident, more grown up. I have no idea if sex is supposed to give you a feeling like this but it gave me that. My mom will kill me if she found out, I am growing up, I made that decision, any consequences i face, I will not drag her down with me.
For those people who really want to know how it felt, in detail. Painful, for the first few seconds. It was like trying to break through a door in order to escape. After escaping, how would you feel? Relieved? Yea i felt that. I felt pleasure, the pain was gone, now everything was just wow. It was a good feeling, like when you dig your ear. Lol i suck at explaining. I guess if you ever try it, tell me how you felt and maybe that was what i felt too. If i had to summarise that feeling into two words, simple, "STRESS FREE".
Hahah judge or don't judge, doesn't bother me. you will do it one day too, when that day comes, i wanna play with ur kid.
19 and virgin girl no more, Bffs, i am officially in the club. xx
