Hi everyone, i am just going to update my blog having not done so in 6 months. A lot has happened within this 6 months itself, including graduating from Ngee Ann Poly, having a part time job as a waitress, making my very first police report, finding a full time job in a great company and travelling to Bangkok and Hong Kong. 

The main reason for the post today is to talk about this app everyone has been talking about recently, Bigo Live.

I was first introduced to this app by my close friend Jensen, and it was fun. It is basically a live streaming app where people can talk to you through a chat box and send you gifts that will earn you beans and be converted in to cash$$$. When i first started my stream, i never showed my face and was just telling people random stories about my life and there would be people asking me questions occasionally. I had about 70-90 viewers and would usually stream around 2am or later. As i streamed more, people got curious about my face and after i revealed it, they continued to support me, i got more views and hit 200-300 views within 3 days. I thought it was pretty good. I felt it was a good platform for me to express my feelings and emotions freely, well apart from the perverts that will use the term ," OPEN" which meant strip. 

Being the hoe i am, i did show my cleavage or what occasionally. All in the name of fun. I never thought of making an income out of this, never. when people sent me beans, i would thank them and tell them they do not have to spend money on me, because i am just here to share my feelings and talk to people if they need advice on anything.

 I also would watch other people's stream and honestly, i got to know a lot of very nice people from this app. i made friends with this girl i met by watching a stream and we would whatsapp ridiculous things boys would send us on bigo dms. Despite speaking so much, we have never met in real life.

 I did however, meet one guy, only one. Each time we spoke i would update the girl about everything. Since the girl was getting hit on by his friend. They were the same, 18 year olds with extreme rage in their hormones. We would go along with their horny needs.

 On my side,  i would skype the guy every night and we would text everyday. He would send me things like he misses me and all and for a while i believed he liked me. A part of me still kind of felt he had a fuckboy side of him unexposed, so i questioned him a lot about his virginity and such. He said he wasn't a virgin, but after telling him i felt virgins were kind of sexy, he told me he was a virgin. He also said he didn't go any further than a handjob. lies. all the lies. I met up with him and we went all the way. He even acted like he was a virgin when we were at it. (i found out through his friends he lost it at 16)  After that night, he did not text me like how he usually would. You guys would know i am used to this kind of things so i just blocked him off on all platforms. He stopped watching my bigo live streams also. and i did not mind either. He is a very good looking boy and knows the way to get what he wants. For his age, he is really good at the game. It happened within 2 weeks, finding my stream, dm-ing me on bigo, skyping, flirting, whatsapping and finally meeting. He got what he wanted, he moved on to the next girl. 

His friends too, had similar characteristics. I made friends with 4 other girls who were either hit on by his friends or were in similar situations. i do not want to go in depth but we have a whatsapp group, haha it is so cute how girls support each other during times like this. 

okay so back to my bigo stream. Recently, i was at 600 fans and i streamed on a Saturday afternoon, just showing my ceiling and talking to them. But through that stream alone i got to 1k+ fans and when i streamed at night, revealing my face and talking to them properly, my views hit 1k plus and my fans rose to 2k. Honestly, the numbers never mattered to me, i would still talk if there were 90 people watching me, but here i was, streaming, with 1k viewers on my stream. It was intense, the messages in the text box were moving so quickly , and popular streamers were watching me. It felt unreal. I had a lot of positive feedback and people told me they liked how open i was to share my stories and everything. That is all i could ever ask for, knowing that people can relate to my stories and experiences. I streamed more often, and even if it was just my ceiling, i could get 500 views easily. Friends i made through bigo would tell me i ignored them when they came to my stream, but honestly, i really did not mean to, i try to read all the comments but at times it really moved too quickly. Hence, i would talk to them  on their stream instead, since their chats did not move as quickly. Even on their chat box, accounts would comment, " omg it's xxx " , "omg xxx said hi to you",  that is really something new for me and my bigo friends would tell them yea its me and that i am popular. I do not care at all about being popular. i really do not care. Even if i have a lot of followers, i would never forget those that were there for me before anyone else was. I cannot emphasise that enough. 

Here comes the more serious part. As of yesterday night, i have uninstalled the Bigo app. I do not have any plans to go back for now. My account is still there as there is no way to delete your account, but the app is definitely not on my phone. Why? here is why. Yesterday night, i was at 3.99k fans, I had an average view of 600, but why did i leave? simple, the pressure. I had people commenting, "fat, go lose some weight". Apart from the people that i forced to say that ( i was working out and i needed motivation), there was this guy who was telling me to lose weight in 6 days. That was just not practical. I took a fitness module in school and it is a fact, your body can only burn a certain amount of calories a day, so you really can't lose more than maybe 5kg? or 2kg a week. Losing that much is also not possible if you plan to eat. I had many more comments telling me to "OPEN" as well. 

It got too much to handle when they started to threaten me, saying they will report my account if i didn't "open" for them. My display picture got banned a total of 3 times, having violated bigo guidelines class B (revealing cleavage/nudity). Even after editing my picture and having no cleavage whatsoever, my pic still got banned. I also got reported and was denied an opportunity to stream for 10mins. This happened twice, first one had cleavage so i did not mind. I was not clear of the bigo guidelines then. However the second time, i don't understand why i got banned, as i was just folding clothes and they could only see my ceiling. It felt very unfair as i did not do anything wrong. Since those incidents happened, i really took precaution and did not show any nudity on my stream. That included wearing a t-shirt. Singapore is so hot, i wasn't allowed to wear my tank top on my stream because people would report me and i would be temporarily banned from streaming. Yes it is temporary but annoying because i would have to re-tell my sharing. 

I was having an extremely emotional night yesterday, and after my ban, i went back on and told them to stop banning me. After which many of them replied, " oh we were just kidding" , " omg don't cry " and all that kind of bullshit. It is disgusting to see how people are not able to control what comes out of their mouth. There was still this one guy, who was throwing shade, calling me out for using vulgarities and lecturing me on how i should watch my mouth if i want to not get banned. Last straw, my night was so bad, i just started crying. My Pms also had a part to play HAHA. Only when i cried did the guy apologise, saying, " sorry if i made you upset, i was just trying to help". After saying that, my viewers were all hating on him and telling me to mute him so he would not be able to say anything else. I did not see the point. 

There were people waiting to ban me, telling me they already reported me because i did not show them what they want. The pressure was too much. People are expecting too much for me, i shared stories related to my sexual experiences and they wanted me to share more every stream. Bigo guidelines does not support sexual content either. If i wanted to continue streaming peacefully, i needed to cut down on the r21 stories. I did, and the feedback i got was ," this stream is boring lets leave", or " if you are not going to do anything interesting, i will leave", i never cared about my numbers, so i told them to leave, i got banned soon after.

That is basically what happened. The app is great but the more known you are, the more pressure is put on you. I gave out my snapchat and Instagram, people get angry when i do not reply. Overall, i guess i am just not cut out for this "famous" life. I just want to be nice and talk to people who want to talk to me. On their side, they just want to see my body, i feel disgusted at my own actions and distraught when i think about their comments on my chat box. Taking a break from Bigo. Too much pressure for an average girl like me to handle. I am sorry. 

bigo account is "XXX" as i am not comfortable to reveal it

Hi everyone, i am just going to update my blog having not done so in 6 months. A lot has happened within this 6 months itself, including graduating from Ngee Ann Poly, having a part time job as a waitress, making my very first police report, finding a full time job in a great company and travelling to Bangkok and Hong Kong. 

The main reason for the post today is to talk about this app everyone has been talking about recently, Bigo Live.

I was first introduced to this app by my close friend Jensen, and it was fun. It is basically a live streaming app where people can talk to you through a chat box and send you gifts that will earn you beans and be converted in to cash$$$. When i first started my stream, i never showed my face and was just telling people random stories about my life and there would be people asking me questions occasionally. I had about 70-90 viewers and would usually stream around 2am or later. As i streamed more, people got curious about my face and after i revealed it, they continued to support me, i got more views and hit 200-300 views within 3 days. I thought it was pretty good. I felt it was a good platform for me to express my feelings and emotions freely, well apart from the perverts that will use the term ," OPEN" which meant strip. 

Being the hoe i am, i did show my cleavage or what occasionally. All in the name of fun. I never thought of making an income out of this, never. when people sent me beans, i would thank them and tell them they do not have to spend money on me, because i am just here to share my feelings and talk to people if they need advice on anything.

 I also would watch other people's stream and honestly, i got to know a lot of very nice people from this app. i made friends with this girl i met by watching a stream and we would whatsapp ridiculous things boys would send us on bigo dms. Despite speaking so much, we have never met in real life.

 I did however, meet one guy, only one. Each time we spoke i would update the girl about everything. Since the girl was getting hit on by his friend. They were the same, 18 year olds with extreme rage in their hormones. We would go along with their horny needs.

 On my side,  i would skype the guy every night and we would text everyday. He would send me things like he misses me and all and for a while i believed he liked me. A part of me still kind of felt he had a fuckboy side of him unexposed, so i questioned him a lot about his virginity and such. He said he wasn't a virgin, but after telling him i felt virgins were kind of sexy, he told me he was a virgin. He also said he didn't go any further than a handjob. lies. all the lies. I met up with him and we went all the way. He even acted like he was a virgin when we were at it. (i found out through his friends he lost it at 16)  After that night, he did not text me like how he usually would. You guys would know i am used to this kind of things so i just blocked him off on all platforms. He stopped watching my bigo live streams also. and i did not mind either. He is a very good looking boy and knows the way to get what he wants. For his age, he is really good at the game. It happened within 2 weeks, finding my stream, dm-ing me on bigo, skyping, flirting, whatsapping and finally meeting. He got what he wanted, he moved on to the next girl. 

His friends too, had similar characteristics. I made friends with 4 other girls who were either hit on by his friends or were in similar situations. i do not want to go in depth but we have a whatsapp group, haha it is so cute how girls support each other during times like this. 

okay so back to my bigo stream. Recently, i was at 600 fans and i streamed on a Saturday afternoon, just showing my ceiling and talking to them. But through that stream alone i got to 1k+ fans and when i streamed at night, revealing my face and talking to them properly, my views hit 1k plus and my fans rose to 2k. Honestly, the numbers never mattered to me, i would still talk if there were 90 people watching me, but here i was, streaming, with 1k viewers on my stream. It was intense, the messages in the text box were moving so quickly , and popular streamers were watching me. It felt unreal. I had a lot of positive feedback and people told me they liked how open i was to share my stories and everything. That is all i could ever ask for, knowing that people can relate to my stories and experiences. I streamed more often, and even if it was just my ceiling, i could get 500 views easily. Friends i made through bigo would tell me i ignored them when they came to my stream, but honestly, i really did not mean to, i try to read all the comments but at times it really moved too quickly. Hence, i would talk to them  on their stream instead, since their chats did not move as quickly. Even on their chat box, accounts would comment, " omg it's xxx " , "omg xxx said hi to you",  that is really something new for me and my bigo friends would tell them yea its me and that i am popular. I do not care at all about being popular. i really do not care. Even if i have a lot of followers, i would never forget those that were there for me before anyone else was. I cannot emphasise that enough. 

Here comes the more serious part. As of yesterday night, i have uninstalled the Bigo app. I do not have any plans to go back for now. My account is still there as there is no way to delete your account, but the app is definitely not on my phone. Why? here is why. Yesterday night, i was at 3.99k fans, I had an average view of 600, but why did i leave? simple, the pressure. I had people commenting, "fat, go lose some weight". Apart from the people that i forced to say that ( i was working out and i needed motivation), there was this guy who was telling me to lose weight in 6 days. That was just not practical. I took a fitness module in school and it is a fact, your body can only burn a certain amount of calories a day, so you really can't lose more than maybe 5kg? or 2kg a week. Losing that much is also not possible if you plan to eat. I had many more comments telling me to "OPEN" as well. 

It got too much to handle when they started to threaten me, saying they will report my account if i didn't "open" for them. My display picture got banned a total of 3 times, having violated bigo guidelines class B (revealing cleavage/nudity). Even after editing my picture and having no cleavage whatsoever, my pic still got banned. I also got reported and was denied an opportunity to stream for 10mins. This happened twice, first one had cleavage so i did not mind. I was not clear of the bigo guidelines then. However the second time, i don't understand why i got banned, as i was just folding clothes and they could only see my ceiling. It felt very unfair as i did not do anything wrong. Since those incidents happened, i really took precaution and did not show any nudity on my stream. That included wearing a t-shirt. Singapore is so hot, i wasn't allowed to wear my tank top on my stream because people would report me and i would be temporarily banned from streaming. Yes it is temporary but annoying because i would have to re-tell my sharing. 

I was having an extremely emotional night yesterday, and after my ban, i went back on and told them to stop banning me. After which many of them replied, " oh we were just kidding" , " omg don't cry " and all that kind of bullshit. It is disgusting to see how people are not able to control what comes out of their mouth. There was still this one guy, who was throwing shade, calling me out for using vulgarities and lecturing me on how i should watch my mouth if i want to not get banned. Last straw, my night was so bad, i just started crying. My Pms also had a part to play HAHA. Only when i cried did the guy apologise, saying, " sorry if i made you upset, i was just trying to help". After saying that, my viewers were all hating on him and telling me to mute him so he would not be able to say anything else. I did not see the point. 

There were people waiting to ban me, telling me they already reported me because i did not show them what they want. The pressure was too much. People are expecting too much for me, i shared stories related to my sexual experiences and they wanted me to share more every stream. Bigo guidelines does not support sexual content either. If i wanted to continue streaming peacefully, i needed to cut down on the r21 stories. I did, and the feedback i got was ," this stream is boring lets leave", or " if you are not going to do anything interesting, i will leave", i never cared about my numbers, so i told them to leave, i got banned soon after.

That is basically what happened. The app is great but the more known you are, the more pressure is put on you. I gave out my snapchat and Instagram, people get angry when i do not reply. Overall, i guess i am just not cut out for this "famous" life. I just want to be nice and talk to people who want to talk to me. On their side, they just want to see my body, i feel disgusted at my own actions and distraught when i think about their comments on my chat box. Taking a break from Bigo. Too much pressure for an average girl like me to handle. I am sorry. 

bigo account is "XXX" as i am not comfortable to reveal it