Hey, I know i am always posting when i have a lot of bottled up emotions but that is why i have this blog anyway. So i kind of got confirmation for this job that i want ah. I haven't told my parents. My ic is also not made yet having no money at all to do it. I refuse to ask my parents for it because i know there will be even more nagging.

So today, guess what? I woke up in the morning, well it was 12. It is a sunday? Am i not allowed to sleep in? I could hear my siblings say things like," you see nick , people that waste their lives away" or shit along that line. But i am not gonna talk about them, how they sleep in so much last time like fuck it. I don't care anyway. I went to kitchen to eat some food. During which, my mom started nagging. Telling me things she has said a million times and I know it very well. She keeps asking me for my proposal, about what i am going to do which i already told her. She thinks i am not doing shit now, but i have that Japanese school trip thing what. Then she goes on to say that she will make me pay rent and do shit around the house if I continue to live like this. Okay seriously, who's mom is like this? Can i ask? I really really wish i die tmr or tonight. No point living in this house filled with negativity and I am not allowed to figure myself out. 

I told her, I am going to study next year in July? I have not asked money from them. I am waiting to make money and apply to my school. Cause it doesn't seem like they wanna pay anyway. The job that i am going to have, I will work my ass off and do whatever i can to make money, pay my debts and get the path i want. I am so tired of them putting me down like i do not know how harsh the outside world is. To make matters worse, she also asked me to be a stripper. Yeap, so much for "your body is a temple of god", maybe she already knows i lost my v card. Even so, who will ask their daughter to do such things. I am really really upset. 

Okay it just started raining n my area and there were bedsheets hanging outside, getting wet. I pulled two rods in, the next one was too heavy, so i woke my dad up and asked him for help, during which he scolded me for putting rods in a certain area and blocking the way. All i could say was, Wow. I am so done. The funny thing is when i use a knife and push it against my skin and slide it back and forth, it doesn't hurt as much as my parents not trusting me and bringing me down. 

I do not know how much longer i can take this. god help me. 

Hey, I know i am always posting when i have a lot of bottled up emotions but that is why i have this blog anyway. So i kind of got confirmation for this job that i want ah. I haven't told my parents. My ic is also not made yet having no money at all to do it. I refuse to ask my parents for it because i know there will be even more nagging.

So today, guess what? I woke up in the morning, well it was 12. It is a sunday? Am i not allowed to sleep in? I could hear my siblings say things like," you see nick , people that waste their lives away" or shit along that line. But i am not gonna talk about them, how they sleep in so much last time like fuck it. I don't care anyway. I went to kitchen to eat some food. During which, my mom started nagging. Telling me things she has said a million times and I know it very well. She keeps asking me for my proposal, about what i am going to do which i already told her. She thinks i am not doing shit now, but i have that Japanese school trip thing what. Then she goes on to say that she will make me pay rent and do shit around the house if I continue to live like this. Okay seriously, who's mom is like this? Can i ask? I really really wish i die tmr or tonight. No point living in this house filled with negativity and I am not allowed to figure myself out. 

I told her, I am going to study next year in July? I have not asked money from them. I am waiting to make money and apply to my school. Cause it doesn't seem like they wanna pay anyway. The job that i am going to have, I will work my ass off and do whatever i can to make money, pay my debts and get the path i want. I am so tired of them putting me down like i do not know how harsh the outside world is. To make matters worse, she also asked me to be a stripper. Yeap, so much for "your body is a temple of god", maybe she already knows i lost my v card. Even so, who will ask their daughter to do such things. I am really really upset. 

Okay it just started raining n my area and there were bedsheets hanging outside, getting wet. I pulled two rods in, the next one was too heavy, so i woke my dad up and asked him for help, during which he scolded me for putting rods in a certain area and blocking the way. All i could say was, Wow. I am so done. The funny thing is when i use a knife and push it against my skin and slide it back and forth, it doesn't hurt as much as my parents not trusting me and bringing me down. 

I do not know how much longer i can take this. god help me.