2016 : Wrapped Up
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Hello, since the MOST shitty year is ending, I feel I should blog about it. Maybe next time when I am more stable or reach my goals, I can look back at this milestone.
2016 , Three words to describe it would be tears, pain and frustration. That was the three emotions i felt the most. I have never felt so sad, or cried so much in a year. Crying over boys, family problems, money and just because i did not know what else to do.
This year was also the year that went so far, I did things to hurt myself physically. Even though it was physical pain, my heart was felt a pain more excruciating.
( i didn't notice my underwear in the nov pic lmao sry)
November 2016 Dec 2016
It has been a month and there are scars, I do not know how long it will take for it to fade away completely but that would remind me of the time, i felt there was nothing else i could do to relief the pain but to hurt myself physically. If you are my close friend, you would know it is really unlikely of me to hurt myself because I am a pussy and I do not have a very high pain tolerance.
This year i dated many boys, whats new. Let me name those i was serious about, Winston, for sure, I cried about him on the phone to Valerie. Jeremy who i tried so hard to please, turns out he was a total dick. These were probably the only two serious ones. The rest were all casual and had no strings attached.
This year was mainly shitty because i had a lot of trouble finding jobs. I am still having trouble with that. In a span of 8 months? I have held 3-4 jobs okay. And most of them were not suited to my liking. Hence, ending up in me quitting. Working is no joke, and if you dislike your job, it is just going to be miserable for you. That was what I learned this year. Also, due to the amount of nagging and pressure my family put on me, I almost resorted to prostitution. Not like Geylang kind, but when someone asked for sex or whatever, I would ask them if they wanted to pay cause I am broke. I got offered $100/hr. Which is valid and i almost said yes, but there was this voice inside me telling me I am better than that and I should not do it. So, I did not.
Being in a negative environment for almost the whole year has declined me from growing internally. I just got really discouraged because all i felt when i did something was , Oh it is wrong and they will not be proud of me. No one likes that feeling. And that was how i felt. My parents were not proud of me at all. Getting aimed by my siblings during dinners and gatherings about how I sleep so much and not do anything, getting scolded for not appreciating money having not taken any money from them AT ALL. You get sick of it, and tired of hearing all the same stories over and over. So what do i do? Ignore? It is kind of hard to do it when they are shouting in your face. But yes, I did that. More or less, I heard what they had to say, i just ignored the repetitions.
Initially, i wanted to compose a longer post with pictures and all included, but I am so lazy to dig them all up haha because most of my days this year, which i captured, were mostly taken at Zouk. Hence, it would tell a lot about me and where my money went.
Instead, I would just type out my New Year's Resolution for 2017.
In 2017, I, Naomi, promise to be happy no matter what and kind to everyone. I also promise to be punctual and practice loving my body everyday. I will not do things to hurt myself physically in any way, nor will I continue to drink so much alcohol. I promise to visit my grandma at least once every two weeks and do things that will make my parents happy.
2017, I am ready for you. x
